she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize