What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
