We named our party play list daddy issues
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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