At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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