she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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