Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
