Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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