this beer tastes like vomit already
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
