Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
