God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
