he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
All the doctor said was why
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
