Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
