Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
