i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
