Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
