Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Randomize
