Just fell off a train. Bad.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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