HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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