It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
