Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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