We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
