That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
