he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
