I wish my penis had an off switch
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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