Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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