A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
