It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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