Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
