I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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