I wish i was in the wii world.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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