Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
