if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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