with your own penis?
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize