Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
