I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
