i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
you had me at cake vodka
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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