So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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