I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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