so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
