At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
