but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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