I have demons in me.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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