Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
