i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
