sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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