Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
