A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Pooping to opera.
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