I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
