sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
