I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
