I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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