playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Let's get the cat blown out
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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