They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
