my phone needs a breathalizer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize