We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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