I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
