They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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