I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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