party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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