Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
