True but thats because hes a fetus.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize