I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
