There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
