That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
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