U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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