Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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