So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
