I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
