There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
When did angry sex become our thing?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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