a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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