At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize